Monday, August 15, 2011
HOW TO SURVIVE AN ALIEN INVASION!
Aliens! Some make great pets, while others eat pets; some are furry, friendly and funny, while others drip acid saliva from their fangs when they try to smile; some are cuter than teddy bears, while others would rather burst out of your teddy bear’s chest. The thing is, it’s hard to know if a visitor is friend or foe. So to gear you up for the landing of Battle LA in DVD, we thought we’d give you a few handy hints and tips on how to survive an alien invasion!
#1 If it has tentacles, cover your mouth. Hosting is something you do for dinner parties, not aliens. And while the term ‘face-hugger’ may sound cute, you’ll think otherwise once this alien goes in for the kiss.
#2 If it wants to phone home, don’t get too attached or that ugly little fella with the doe eyes and funny waddle will only break your heart and make you cry like a baby—especially when you get your phone bill!
#3 If you wake up one morning and there are giant saucers hovering over every major city in the world, pack up the kids and your trusty dog Boomer and head straight for the desert! No matter how much you drink at that ‘Welcome Visitors’ rooftop party your friends are planning, it’s the aliens who’ll be having a blast!
#4 If you can hear it snort and smell its stinky unwashed battle-armour but you can’t see it, then it’s time to treat yourself to a day spa mud bath, quick smart. Not only will the mud conceal your body heat and prevent you from becoming predator prey, you’ll feel rejuvenated and relaxed all over.
#5 If you start building mountains out of mashed potatoes, start packing your bags. Chances are you’ll soon be boarding an alien mothership. Don’t forget to take lots of bottled water, there’s a good chance the plumbing system on board the ship is connected to a trash compactor.
#6 If the land dividing the United States from Mexico has been declared an alien ‘infected zone’, it’s not the time to do that road trip you’ve always dreamed of. Cancun ain’t that great.
#7 If you suspect your best friend may be one of those visitors just pretending to be friendly (when really all he or she wants to do is eat you), pull at an ear or nose to see if there’s any green scales underneath that fake human skin. If your friend screeches and slaps you, then you’re probably wrong. But hey, it’s better than going down a lizard’s gizzard!